This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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