someone owes me an orgasm
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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