Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(720): View more from Colorado

Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea

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(504): View more from Louisiana

insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.

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(301): View more from Maryland

I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids

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(785): View more from Kansas

I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man

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(630): View more from Illinois

230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap

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(443): View more from Maryland

Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly

(443): View more from Maryland

Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly

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(727): View more from Florida

I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.

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(813): View more from Florida

Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.

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