This dress was meant to end up on your floor
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
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