ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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