im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Randomize
