what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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