Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
