I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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