why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
