let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
