Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
