u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
