remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize