I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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