You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
