This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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