you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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