I molested 6 butterflies tonight
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
