He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
