I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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