did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Randomize
