I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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