My first STD was from a foam party
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
