dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
