Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
You can't special order awesome
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
