everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
