O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
