we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
