My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Do you have feelings for this penis?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
