Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
