Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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