i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
