is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
