I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
