I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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