so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
