just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
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He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
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This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
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