OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
