You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
