You made me cry and you don't even care
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
