I'm so fucking centered right now
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
