I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
This house was built for laser tag.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
