There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
