chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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