I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
