Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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