So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
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My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
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I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
We need to get me chipped asap
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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