Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize