Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
