I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize