I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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