when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
