are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
