you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
so much tequila, so little girl.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
