She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
