I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
