Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
