now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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