is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
