Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
