you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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