This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
