You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.