Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
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Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
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I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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