You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year