I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.