I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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