ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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