Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
