woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
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Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
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did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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