Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
