Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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