so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
