u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
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He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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