Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
